Complicated relationship!?

hi! theres a man who fell inlve with me since i was 17 years old of age,,he didnt tell me in the first place bec he thinks his being stupi and im young at the time..when i first saw him ,,i feel something bout him..its like love at first sigth..i know he was older than me..but we met again when i was 18 and he told bout his feeling here with me..but i told him what i realy felt for hi..we have both strong love to eachother..now im 2o and he is 46..i knew he was married..im trying to stop my feeling for him but i couldnt..our both dreams was we will be together forever..he doesnt want to hurt his wife but he promise to me he will tell his wife that she didnt love her anymore..i split up with him and he doesnt want to coz he said im his life..but he is the man of my dream and the quality of man im looking for is him..he really love me to death..but i kep pushing him and i i try to hurt him so that he will get angry with me...but he didnt no matter what i do to hurt him he still loves me and he want to be with me..i told him to go back with his wife and kids..but he dont want to..coz if i leave him its better he end his life..and now we got a son..and he love his son and also me..and to be honest i realy want him bec i love him..but i feel guilty..bec his married and im worry bout his kids..coz his wife told him if he has having an affair to any woman he will not see his kids..and i dont want him to be sad..im trying my best that he will go back to his wife even it will hurt me..but he doesnt want to..he want to be with me until he die..thats what he said..and she will figth for..for many years i always get hurt for my past boyfriends..but when i met him..its totaly change..hes the name im asking for god up above..but the prob he is married..but hesaid already to his wife they have to separate..but i fel guilty..but i dont want him to let him go..he is the man of my dream..and he makes me happy and his the only person ho made me happy none other than..he's there when im sad..and he's there to make me happy..he's my life..i dont care what people say if im younger than him..thats love...thats mean to me..!!coz if i mind what people says..i will be sad all mylife..i just want any advice if i di the rigth thing..or not..but all i can say i told him ..to go back to his wife but he doesnt want to..and i said nomatter what his decesion whi he want to be with..he's gonna live with it..not regret it...